


I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

by teenager



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: A teeny-tiny amount of smut, Big Happy Family, Flirting, Happy Ending, M/M, Mostly Fluff, Snark, Supernatural is real(ly useful), Time Travel, Witches, all dat good stuff, minimal angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 22:01:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1202158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teenager/pseuds/teenager
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 33 year old Stiles gets sent back to 2012 and everything is witches and orgies and snark and some awkwardness, but it all works out at the end.<br/>Also, Derek and Stiles have a porno?</p><p>Answer: Yes, they do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish I Knew How To Quit You

2029

 

Stiles is sprawled out in the middle of the large living room, laying down with most of his body on top of Derek’s. They’re lounging on the floor, the plush carpet beneath them so soft to the touch that Stiles is tempted to wrap Derek around him like a blanket and just fall asleep.

 

It’s movie night, though, a long held tradition in the Hale pack and they’re watching _Brokeback Mountain_ , so obviously Stiles had to stay awake for the artistic masterpiece that is Heath Ledger’s face. It was Erica’s choice to watch the movie and no one had exactly said no, so why the hell not? Everyone tucked cozily into the couches, watching the movie with surprisingly acute interest. Especially Derek, which honestly doesn’t surprise Stiles, because Derek’s a softie even though he doesn’t act like it. Plus, who wouldn’t be paying attention when Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger are having hot cowboy sex?

 

At this point the movie is almost over, they’re at the part where Jack and Ennis are having this super dramatic conversation after their like tenth 'fishing' trip. Stiles leans over to Derek’s ear, placing a quick kiss behind it before running a hand down his alpha’s arm; deciding to repeat the quote that Jack had said a bit earlier in the film, hoping to earn a smile from Derek.

 

“I wish I knew how to quit you!” Stiles says fiercely, full of mock desperation.

 

The entire pack manages an ensemble of disgusted groans and moans, and Stiles would have been totally offended except for the fact that Derek had huffed out a pleased laugh, placing a kiss on the younger man’s forehead.

 

Behind him, on the couch, Erica yanks his hair in reprimand, reminding him why he liked the buzz-cut that he rocked in his earlier years of high school. Derek runs his fingers through Stiles’ mess of hair, lightly scratching at his scalp where Erica had just pulled it. Stiles smiles when he remembers why he does, in fact, keep his hair long. At the start of their relationship, it had thoroughly surprised Stiles to find out that Derek was a hair puller. Especially when things would get real hot and heavy. Stiles would be lying if he said that he didn’t love when Derek yanked his hair during makeout sessions or sex. Plus, he looks really freakin good with longer hair, even Danny had admitted it to him in their junior year of college.

 

“Don’t be such a deviant, Stiles,” Lydia chastises from her position in Aiden’s lap, her eyes never leaving the tv screen. All Aiden does is roll his eyes, a smrik on his stupid face. Stiles rolls his eyes back, because whatever, it was cute, okay?  And Stiles can tell that Derek very much appreciated his romantic sentiment if his goofy smile is anything to go by.

 

“Yeah,” Scott adds, “It’s like watching our parents flirt, but worse.”

 

“It’s very disturbing,” Isaac adds, Allison smiling into his shoulder.

 

“Oh whatever!” Stiles pouts. “Kira thinks that we’re cute. Right, Kira?”

 

The girl in question grimaces, shrugging her shoulders slightly, next to her Scott wraps his arm around her shoulder, a proud look on his face.

 

Oh, she is totally moving down on Stiles’ Favorites List™ and Stiles says as much.

 

“It’s official,” Stiles says haughtily. “Boyd is currently number one on my list, and due to all of you being assholes, only Boyd is getting my special brownies!”

 

“Aw, don’t be like that, Stiles,” Kira adds softly.

 

“Yeah, it’s not her fault that you and Derek kissing burns our retinas,” Erica adds in her defense.

 

“You guys are such liars!” Stiles huffs, the movie becoming distant background noise. “Me and Derek so hot together! I never told you guys, but one time when we were at Jungle and some guy offered us like a shit ton of money to be in a por-" Stiles doesn’t get to finish when he’s cut off by Derek's warm hand resting over his mouth.

 

In reply of his rant, Stiles receives blank, questioning stares from his pack, the movie entirely forgotten. Stiles looks rightfully ashamed at the information that he was about to reveal, and when he looks back to Derek, his alpha’s cheeks are flushed, the tips of his ears a bright red color.

 

Stiles swallows the small lump in his throat, embarrassed for himself and for Derek. He turns back to the movie, hoping that maybe, just maybe the pack would just let it go, you know? Maybe the universe would finally give him a break, but no such luck.

 

"Were you going to say porno?" Erica asks with a shit eating grin.

 

Stiles opens his mouth ready to backpedal for his life and then everything goes white and fuzzy.

  
  


⇇⇇⇇⇇⇇⇇⇇

 

2012

 

The next moment, Stiles’ chest feels like it’s on fire. He’s gasping for breath, his chest beating so hard like it’s ready to explode. He’s lying on the hard floor, and he doesn’t even have to look around to know where he’s at. The smell of scorched wood is clue enough.

 

He’s still panting harshly, trying to fill his lungs again when he see’s the blackened, hole spattered walls, the old house is a haunting reminder of the past and it hurts Stiles to see it in this condition again.

 

The summer of their senior year of highschool the pack had gotten together and decided to finally fix the Hale house back into tiptop shape. They had spent day and night restoring the house back to its former glory, and although it had been hard as hell, seeing the proud, excited look in Derek’s eyes after finally finishing it had made it totally worth it, for Stiles at least.

 

It isn’t until then that Stiles realizes that he isn’t alone. He’s surrounded, and when he realizes by whom, he sort of wants to scream and laugh at the same time.

 

It’s the pack, but not his pack. No, this isn’t his pack at all, not his pack from 2029, he knows this for a fact because everyone looks _so damn young_. The reckless, ragtag bunch of misfits from his past is back together; from when everything was so grim and confusing and _lonely_. It’s weird because right now, only Erica, Isaac, Boyd, Allison, Scott, and himself were part of Derek’s pack, and Stiles hates to admit it, but it’s pretty pathetic compared to the small army he and Derek have to take care of now.

 

Stiles rolls into a sitting position and realizes that he’s being stared at like a fucking science experiment _gone wrong_. He scans the room and quickly finds his past-self, who is staring at him with equal parts terror and fascination. He then spots Derek in a corner, and when their eyes meet Derek greets him with a low growl, which is so cute, by the way. Stiles can’t help the resulting smile, which in turn earns him a sideways look from the alpha.

 

At this point in his life, Stiles has seen all of Derek’s _looks_ , he’s categorized them and knows them by heart. The look he’s getting now is one that Stiles hasn’t seen in a long time, it’s the stare Derek gets when he’s confused and angry and just wants to kill something because he doesn’t know what’s happening. He doesn’t like that look and he especially doesn't like seeing it on Derek’s face.

 

Stiles clears his throat pointedly, ignoring the knot growing in the pit of stomach and rises to his feet. That earns a chorus of growls from the betas in the room and he quickly raises his hands in the air, the universal signal of surrender.

 

“What year is it?” Stiles asks roughly, in what he likes to call his 'Official Alpha's Mate" voice. Its the voice that he uses when him and Derek have to meet with other alphas and their mates. He may be a jokester at times, but when it comes to hashing out the supernatural problems that make up his life Stiles believes that it's important to be serious. He’s rewarded with a look of surprise from the alpha himself when his deep voice manages to echo off the decaying walls of the house.

 

“It’s 2012,” Derek replies, gruff as ever and even now that voice has the power to send shivers down his spine, and Stiles would be super aroused if not for the fact that somehow, he's been sent almost 17 years back in time.

 

“Oh,” he says softly, more to himself than anyone else. The room seems to get a little dizzy, because what the actual fuck.

 

Stiles makes no attempt to do anything, he decides that it would be better to just stand there and contemplate his life thus far and the choices he’s made. Derek and the other seems to think that it’s a great idea and they do the same thing.

 

For a short while the entire room is silent, Stiles can feel the heavy weight of eyes on him, but he’s not worried, because if it came down to it, Stiles could easily subdue anyone in the room. He’s actually had to do it before, when Scott and Kira had decided to 'take a break' and his best friend had gotten a bit too drunk and a little too handsy.

 

All he can think about is that he’s been suddenly thrown back in time, he just doesn’t know how or why. Stiles vows to stay calm, because he knows that back home, _in his time_ , that his family is going to figure out what the hell is wrong and they're going to fix it. Stiles knows that the second that he disappeared from Derek’s arms everyone probably freaked the fuck out and that they’re almost positively on their way to Deaton’s now to try and figure out what's wrong.

 

Stiles huffs out a deep sigh, waiting for something, anything to happen, but it never does. He waits for ten minutes before he deducts that nothing is going to happen.

 

He may be in his thirties now, but that doesn’t mean that his ADD isn’t still a bitch and underneath his skin he can feel the itch of restlessness and boredom grow more and more intense. The need to do something finally rising to the surface; since he’s here and he can’t really do anything about it, Stiles decides to just go with the flow.

 

Stiles turns to his past-self and then to Derek, trying to maintain a look of seriousness. He steels himself and just goes for it.

 

“Wanna have a weird intergenerational threeway?”

 

It is so worth it when everyones faces goes from confused to intrigued to sort of disgusted and both past!Stiles and Derek blush fierce red.

 

↤↤↤↤↤↤↤

  
  


Stiles is currently pressed between Allison and Erica on the sad excuse of a couch. He doesn't really mind, except how he feels like an oversized cat by the way both of girls are rubbing and scratching at his scalp, attempting to comb his messy head of hair.

 

Across from him past!Stiles and Scott sit on the ground, watching him with curious eyes. Stiles doesn’t know where Derek, Boyd, and Isaac went, but he’s pretty sure that they went outside to talk about him. _Those bitches._

 

“So… uh,” past!Stiles starts, and Stiles can’t help but cringe, because was he really this socially awkward?

 

“You’re from the future, right?” Scott asks before past!Stiles makes a fool of himself.

 

“Yeah.” He answers simply.

 

“What’s it like?” past-him asks, a curious glint in his eyes.

 

“The future?” he questions, and receiving an affirmative nod, continues, “Its …”

 

“How did you get here?” Derek interrupts seriously, appearing from nowhere.

 

Stiles feels a smirk tug at his lips, because Derek being serious has always been ridiculously hot to Stiles, okay? It's like some weird turn-on or something, but now is definitely not the time for getting a boner. It’s then that Stiles starts to wonder if future!Derek would be mad if he had sex with past!Derek. Stiles full out smiles then, because his alpha probably would get jealous; Derek is just a possessive bastard like that and Stiles loves it.

 

The girls have finally stopped petting him and its then when he spots Isaac and Boyd re-enter the house, making sure to start at Stiles like he’s the Creature from the Black Lagoon or whatever. _(Stiles quickly jots down a mental note that they should totally watch that for the next movie night because it’s actually pretty good)_

 

Past!Stiles is looking at him like he has all the answers in the world and Derek is looking at him like the gum from under his shoe and everyone else just looks confused and tired and Stiles is still bored so Stiles decides to make up a shit-ton of lies and make all their lives miserable or maybe better, because, why not?

 

“It started at our bi-weekly orgy, right?” Stiles starts and everybody sort of freezes, but he just smiles like nothing is wrong, because the looks on their faces is priceless, so he decides to just keep going.

 

“Isaac, Erica, and me were getting things started while Scott was getting the camera ready, and -”

 

“Dude!” Scott yells and the same time past!Stiles squeaks out, “What?!”

 

Everyone’s faces is twisted in various degrees of horror and it’s just hilarious and perfect.

 

“You’re lying,” Derek points out, voice a little raw.

 

“Yeah, I am,” Stiles admits, huffing out a tiny laugh, “But don’t you wish I wasn’t?”

 

Derek swallows visibly, but says nothing, rolling his eyes in response. Next to him, Erica yanks his hair roughly and Stiles sends her a scathing look, because even past Erica pulls his hair too hard. All she does is shrug, a sweet smile on her lips.

 

Stiles decides to be nice and actually answer past!Derek's question seriously, "No, but really, we were just watching _Brokeback Mountain_ " At that he gets a weird look, but he chooses to ignore it, "and the next thing I know, I'm here."

 

Across from him Derek opens his mouth to reply but it interrupted when Stiles’ phone chirps to life, Stiles mentally slaps himself because didn’t even remember that he had his phone on him.

 

The ID reads _‘Baby Daddy’_ and Stiles’ heart soars.

 

Stiles quickly answers, “Hey! _OhmyGod_ ,  I’m sorry I didn’t call.”

 

“Stiles!?” Derek sighs, and he sounds so relieved it breaks Stiles’ heart, “Thank God you’re alive. Where the hell are you?”

 

“When, actually,” Stiles answers. "I’m in the year 2012, and no. I have no idea how I got here."

 

“We’re at Deaton’s now,”  future!Derek says, “He said the only creature powerful enough to do something like this is a witch.”

 

“Damn,” Stiles mumbles, “Like the witch we were hunting last week?”

 

“Most likely,” future!Derek replies softly, “But Deaton is almost one hundred percent sure that she was sent back in time with you.”

 

Stiles sighs tiredly, because he hates witches. Like, seriously, fuck them.

 

“What did I do to deserve this?” Stiles asks into the phone, just wanting to hear his Derek’s voice a little longer.

 

Future!Derek laughs and in the background he can hear future!Erica shout, “You called her ugly!”

 

“She was ugly,” He replies angrily.

 

“Stiles,” Derek tells him, “Just try and find her and get her to send you back.”

 

“I will.”

 

“And Stiles?” Derek says.

 

“Yes, baby?”

 

Derek sighs, sounding fondly exasperated.

 

“Be careful, I’m too attached to lose you now.”

 

“D’aw,” Stiles coos, “I love you too.”

 

“Seriously Stiles,” Derek whispers, “Be careful.”

 

“I know, I know. Just give me the details and I’ll try and figure it out.”

 

↮↮↮↮↮↮↮

  
  


Stiles takes a deep breath through his nose, exhaling out of his mouth.

 

A technique Deaton had taught him to help keep him calm and level headed, and bless the man’s soul, because Stiles needs all the calmness in the universe right now, thanks to Scott fucking McCall. He swears that the kid is literally trying to get him to explode of frustration and anger.

 

“Scott,” Stiles pleads, “Just scout the western side of the cabin for anyone who looks evil and witchy.”

 

Stiles has already explained the plan, both intricately and in layman’s terms, to past!Scott, but he can’t seem to comprehend what exactly he’s supposed to do, and Stiles is really trying to keep his cool here, he really is, because Stiles knows that Scott isn’t dumb. The fact that Scott can’t seem to focus on the words coming out of Stiles mouth seems to be less a problem of intelligence and more an issue of _‘Allison is wearing a very tiny skirt and mid-thigh is visible’._

 

God, if only the kid knew that him and Allison don’t even make it to senior year.

 

All Scott has to do is keep an eye out for any members of the witches coven while Derek and both Stiles try and infiltrate what Stiles believes is the witch's cabin. Future!Derek had informed Stiles that the only way the witch could bend time like this was with the help of some seriously powerful witch bitches, and that even then they would have to be using some sort of spell to keep the witch here and intact before sending her back to the future to where she belongs. The plan is to break the spell and thus send Stiles back home to 2029, sounds easy, but then again when is any supernatural problem ever that easy to solve?

 

If all else fails Derek had informed him that Deaton strongly advised him to just kill the leader of the coven.

 

_“She’s using some very dark magic, which comes with some very serious consequences. It would be better to stop her before she ends up doing something foolish and irreversible”_

 

And if he’s being honest, he’d rather just kill the bitch and get it over with, because as Stiles sees it, once the witch is dead, he’ll be homebound in no time.

  
  


But apparently Stiles is talking gibberish, because Scott just _doesn't.fucking.get.it._ He’s currently starring in the vicinity of Allison’s breasts with dopey, glazed over eyes. Stiles would gladly bet that he’s probably having a wet daydream about her right now instead in listening to Stiles like he should be.

 

Stiles heaves another breath through his nose and out of his mouth, praying that God will give him the strength to deal with the absurdity that is Scott. In the corner of his eye he spots past!Stiles stifling giggles, and really? Fuck him. He didn’t realize that he was such a little asshole when he was younger.

 

"You're an asshole," He says, looking right at himself.

 

“Really?” past!Stiles scoffs, “You kind of just called yourself an asshole.”

 

“It’s true,” Boyd adds. Stiles flips him the bird and mentally moves Kira back to the top of his favorites list.

 

Stiles turns back to Scott, who is making puppy eyes at Allison from across the room, the girl in question smiling at him like he hung the stars and the moon.

 

 _‘Oh, young love,_ Stiles thinks. _Easily found and easily lost.’_

 

“Scott,” Stiles says, placing his hands on Scott’s shoulders, “You just watch for witches and if you see them, distract them or whatever. Okay?”

 

“Oh,” Scott says.

 

Whoa! He actually understands! Stiles feels like doing a fucking cartwheel, but he’s pretty sure that he’d break his neck or something, but still, he’s just freakin pumped that Scott understands when he’s supposed to do.

 

“Wait,” Scott adds,  “How do I  -”

 

And that’s the straw the broke the camel’s fucking back. Stiles is just so done right now. Literally, take him out of the oven because he is _done_.

 

Stiles pounces on Scott, taking him down by the shoulders and tackling him down to the ground. Stiles has never been one for physical violence, but sometimes it helps. He rolls on top of Scott and rattles the living shit out of him, hoping to shake some sense into the kid.

 

“DUDE!” Stiles whines, “YOU JUST DISTRACT THE WITCHES!"

 

“I get it!” Scott yelps, eyes huge, “You don’t have to yell!”

 

Stiles clenches his jaw and rolls off of the beta, he loves his best friend, he really does, but one day Stiles swears that the kid is going to give him an aneurysm or some shit like that.

 

“Let’s go!” Stiles barks, making the betas in the room jump. Derek levels him with an impressed glare, but at this point Stiles is tired and he just wants to kill the witch and get back home. He brushes past everyone and heads to the front of the house, waiting for everyone to get with the program and join him outside.

 

He stops in front of the Camaro and gestures for Derek to throw him the keys. The alpha sends him a _‘bitch, please’_ look and Stiles sends him one right back.

 

“This is my car,” Derek says. “You’re not driving my car.”

 

“Look,” Stiles hisses. “I'm older than you. I have seniority here, so just give me the keys before I punch you in the dick.”

 

Derek opens him mouth to protest but the glare that Stiles sends him shuts him up immediately.

 

Stiles will admit that he feels a little bad yelling at Derek but desperate times call for desperate measures, you know? And at this point, Stiles is super desperate to kill find the witch and go home and just lay down wit his Der-Bear.`

 

Everyone manages to pile into the tiny car, Isaac and Boyd opting to tag behind on foot to save room. In the backseat Stiles can hear Allison trying to console a sad Scott.

 

Stiles is still feeling a little annoyed with Scott, so he decides to be an asshole, just a little longer.

 

“So, Scott,” Stiles says, “Know the plan?”

 

The beta in question sends him a deadly look, flipping him the middle finger in response.

 

Stiles can’t help but laugh, and in the corner of his eye he notices a small smirk on Derek’s lips.

 

“You’re a dick,” past!Stiles mumbles

 

“You kind of just called yourself an dick.” Stiles quips, mocking what past-him had said earlier.

 

The rest of the car ride is silent.

 

↹↹↹↹↹↹↹

 

When they reach their destination, Stiles feels apprehension and adrenaline growing in his gut. The cabin that the witch was supposed to be staying at is more of a compound that an actual cabin. Holy fuck, the place is huge. Stiles is surprised he’s never seen the place before, it’s not even remotely hidden, a large building surrounded by a tall barbed-wire fence. It seems out of place here, in the middle of the forest.

 

Even from a far distance away he can see women and men, who are presumably witches, milling around the place. Thankfully they could get fairly close to the compound without being spotted thanks to the copious amounts of shrubbery surrounding the area. They’re currently all staking out the place from behind a thick clump of bushes.

 

“How many do you think there are?” Derek asks.

 

“There has to be at least twenty, maybe more?” past!Stiles.

 

“Probably more inside the building,” Boyd adds.

 

Damn, Stiles definitely didn’t expect this kind of resistance. There’s no way they’ll be able to take on all of the witches here. Stiles wants to shout, the feeling of hopelessness making his throat tight.

 

“Fuck,” Stiles whispers. “What the hell are we supposed to do now?”

 

“We could charge the place?” Erica suggest.

 

“No way,” past!Stiles says. “We wouldn’t make it past the gate if we tried that.”

 

They all sit in silence, waiting for a chance, an opportunity, and idea, anything.

 

“I got it!” Scott yells.

 

Everyone tackles onto Scott, smacking at him for yelling so loudly.

 

“Sorry, sorry!” He whispers. “But I know how we’re getting in.”

 

“How?” Isaac asks.

 

“Well,” Scott pauses. “We’ll have to come back at night. I’ll explain the rest on the way back?”

 

Everyone is looking at Stiles now. Most likely looking for approval or something, and even though Scott can be super stubborn and foolish, he’s still Stiles’ best friend and someone he can always go to for support and help.

 

“Alright,” Stiles says, “I trust you.”

 

The timid, sour look that was on Scott’s face disappears into a giant grin.

 

“Really?”

 

“Scott,” Stiles says exasperatedly. “You’re my best friend, like, in the entire world, even in the future. I always trust you, dude.”

 

“Thanks, dude.” Scott smiles. “Should we, like, hug now or something?”

 

Stiles is about to respond with a sarcastic remark when he’s rudely interrupted.

 

“Why don’t you two just make-out already?” Derek mumbles.

 

Erica snorts at Derek’s remark while Scott rolls his eyes.

 

“Why don’t we make-out, big boy?” Stiles teases, biting his lip.

 

Stiles can see Derek’s cheeks turn a faint red, and he inwardly fistpumps because he always has, like, the best comebacks. Stiles turns to his past-self, and holds up a fist, and of course, since he’s totally awesome no matter what year it is, his past self gives him a fist bump.

 

“Stiles’s one, Sourwolf, zero,” past!Stiles says, “Now let’s go get ready for our night mission.”

 

“For sure, we should get ninja’d out, like wear all black, yeah?” Stiles asks on the way back to the car.

 

“I’ve always wanted to dress up in all black and, like, stealth into some enemy territory.” past-him says.

 

“Well, lets gear up, dude.” Stiles replies, “‘Cause we have work to do.”

 

↚↚↚↚↚↚↚

 

“This is all we need,” Scott tells everyone. “Once the salt is down, the witches are stuck unless the circle is broken.”

 

“Like mountain ash?” Isaac asks. “But for witches?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“This is way too much like _Supernatural_.” past!Stiles comments. “You sure it’ll work?”

 

“Yes, dude,” Scott says, “I was kinda sceptical at first, too, but Deaton told me that salt   
provides protection against witches, witchcraft, and demons, and Deaton knows everything.”

 

“True,” Stiles adds, “He’s like the supernatural wiki.”

 

“Alright,” Derek says, “What do we do after we surround the place? The witches are trapped, then what?”

 

“I…,” Scott starts, “I haven’t really thought that far yet.”

 

“Of course,” Derek bites.

 

“Well if you have any ideas I’d love to hear them,” Scott says sarcastically.

 

“Here’s an idea,” Stiles chirps in, “We sneak in, try and find the ugly bitch of a leader, kill her and be done with it?”

 

“Another great idea,” Derek says, “But how exactly are we supposed to find one witch out of a hundred? We’ll get caught before we even find her.”

 

It’s true, Stiles knows, deep in his heart that the likeliness that they’ll find the witch they’re looking for without getting caught is very low. He doesn’t know what else to do. If they try and rush in on the witches, they’ll get killed, if they sneak in, they’ll eventually get caught and then killed. God, Stiles might as well just give himself in and let the bitch kill him, that’s what she wanted anyway right?

 

“Wait!” Stiles shouts, everyone jumping at his sudden outburst, “I know what to do!”

 

“What?” Erica asks, a dubious look on her face.

 

Stiles wants to jump up and down, because duh, the witches want him, right? And the pack, too, most likely, why else would she have come here? Stiles is still a bit confused, like, why would she go back in time? To get revenge on Stiles for calling her ugly?

 

Then again, girls do have the capability and tendency to hold super intense grudges. A girl will remember what you said to her four years ago on the exact date at the exact time. Girls are just  scary like that. He wouldn’t be too surprised if that was the case, and it’s the best plan he’s thought of yet, so he’s just going to go with it.

 

“We’re going to just walk in,” At that gets dubious looks from everyone, “Well, me and Stiles will.”

 

“Stiles and I,” Derek corrects.

 

“No, me and Stiles. Just both Stiles.” Stiles repeats.

 

“I know,” Derek grumbles, “But the correct grammar is Stiles and I.”

 

“Oh,” Stiles grins, not missing a beat. “You’re so sexy when you correct my grammar.”

 

Derek blushes fiercely even though his eyebrows indicate annoyance and Stiles can’t help but stare. Past!Stiles jostles his in the side with his elbow and embarrassed look on his face as well.

 

“If you two are done flirting or whatever,” Erica says, ”We do have things to do.”

 

“My bad,” Stiles says. “Anyway, _Stiles and I_ go in and give ourselves up.”

 

“What?” past!Stiles squeaks, “That’s it? We go in and let them kill us?”

 

“Hopefully we don’t die before they can get to us,” Stiles says pointing at the pack, “We go in get caught, it’ll be night, so most of them will be asleep, less trouble for us. Once they have us, all the attention will be on us.”

 

Stiles pauses, making sure everyone is keeping up with him.

 

“Outside, Erica and Boyd place the salt around the perimeter.”

 

“Then what?” Derek says.

 

Stiles pauses before continuing, because, honestly, he doesn’t really know either.

 

The compound is large and too full with people, he knows, too large to try and fight. Once him and Stiles are inside that’s it, Erica and Boyd will secure the area with the salt, but after that, Stiles doesn’t know what to do after that.

 

“I don’t know,” Stiles admits, “I could try and kill the leader, but I doubt I’d make it out alive.”

 

“I think I might have an idea,” Isaac adds.

 

“Great,” Allison chirps in, “Do tell.”

 

“Well,” he starts, “I remember Deaton telling us ways to protect ourselves, and uh, one of them was water. Holy water, actually, and the building the witches are in seems pretty new, so they probably have some type of sprinkler system. And, if we could somehow get holy water into the system, then…”

 

“Then all the bitches get doused in holy water!” Stiles spouts, “Ohmygosh, Isaac, when did you get so smart?”

 

“I’ve always been smart,” Isaac quips with a satisfied smirk.

 

“Awesome!” Stiles grins, “We have our plan. Now we just need to holy-ify some water.”

 

“I’m pretty sure that’s not a word,” Scott says.

 

“Whatever, dude,” Stiles says, “Let’s go, I think it’s dark enough to go back. We’ll have to make a quick stop too.”

 

“For what?” Erica says.

 

“Matches, gasoline, two bags of salt, and a Rosary.”

 

“Wow,” Boyd mummbles, “This really is like an episode is _Supernatural_.”

  
  


⇍⇍⇍⇍⇍⇍⇍

 

Stiles is situated at the front gates of the compound, his stomach feels like it’s about to drop out of his ass or something, and next to him Stiles is looking around nervously, chewing on the sting of his hoodie.

 

“Don’t worry, dude,” Stiles says, “We’ll be fine.”

 

“I really hope so,” past-him replies. He grabs his phone and quickly dials out Scott’s number.

 

He can hear Scott pick up on the second ring sighing loudly into the phone, “Hey, sup?”

 

“Hey, we’re in position,” He says.  “Are you guys good?”

 

“Yeah, Once you guys are in Erica and Boyd will pour the salt. Derek and Isaac found the water supply and are blessing it right now. Allison and I are near the back, we’ve emptied both bottles of gasoline and we’re waiting for you guys to get caught before we light the place up.”

 

“Alright,” Stiles says, “Sounds good.”

 

“Yeah,” past-him says, “So everything is in place?”

 

“Yeah, dude,” Scott confirms.  “We’ll start the fire after you guys are captured and once the smoke rises, the sprinklers should come on.”

 

“Then bye bye, witches.” Stiles mumbles to himself.

 

“Let’s hope everything works out,” past!Stiles says.

 

“It will, dude,” Scott says softly, “It will.”

 

“Ok,” past-him his sighs, “See ya.”

 

“Good luck.”

 

Stiles turns to past-him once he clicks his phone off, raising his eyebrows in question.

 

“You ready?” Stiles asks.

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” past-him answers. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  
  


↻↻↻↻↻↻↻

 

They’re captured perfectly.

 

Four men catch and easily subdue them, and from there they’re brought to the head bitch in charge. Stiles knows that it’s her because he distinctly remembers her ugly, witchey face. He wants so badly to punch her in her stupid face, but his hands are tied behind his back and he’s thrown to the ground, right at her feet.

 

Around them a large number of witches and wizards stand by, watching the proceedings with great interest; they smile and cheer as both Stiles’s are brought into the room.

 

“Look what we have here!,” She exclaims excitedly, “I’ve been looking for you.”

 

“Lucky for you, here I am!” Stiles chirps, mock excitement.

 

She pauses her mean smirk turning into a disdainful look his way. He watches as she slips a long dagger from her robe and his heart thrums in his chest.

 

“You speak so much and so rudely, too,” She comments, walking closer to him, that mean smile appearing on her face again. She brings the dagger around his face, making sure not to touch him with it, not yet, at least.

 

“I wonder if cutting your tongue out would silence you,” Then she laughs, “I doubt it. I’d probably have to kill you to get you to shut up.”

 

“Kill me?” Stiles asks, mock disbelief, “For what? All I did was call you ugly, which is a fact, by the way”

 

“That mouth,” She clenches her jaw, her grip tightening on the dagger, grabbing his chin with an unnatural amount of strength, “It’s going to get you in trouble, boy.”

 

Stiles feels  like his jaw is about to crack under her pressure of her hand, and he has to resist the urge to scream. Right now he just needs to stall and hope that Scott, Allison and the gang have already started the fire. He wills the smoke to come quickly and set the sprinklers on.

 

“I think,” Stiles says struggling to speak, next to him past!Stiles stares at him with worried eyes, “It already has.”

 

“I agree,” She cackles, and wow, apparently witches do, in fact, cackle.

 

“I can’t wait to hear how prettily you scream,” She says softly, and brings the dagger to his mouth. Stiles squeezes his lips together tightly, waiting for the pain.

 

“W-wait!” past-him shouts.

 

The witch cocks her head and smiles at him, eyes going dark, “Don’t worry, sweet child. I’ll get to you as soon as I’m done with him.”

 

“No!” past!Stiles says, “Uh, no. I... don’t you smell that?”

 

She stands up swiftly and pushes Stiles to the ground, walking over to past!Stiles.

 

“No, I don’t smell anything,” She says annoyed, then “Maybe I’ll start with you instead.”

 

Stiles is about to tell her to fuck off and just kill him, but then he smells it. He smells the smoke, and he wants to cheer.

 

He actually does.

 

“Oh, thank God,” He sighs, relaxing into the floor, “It’s over now.”

 

The witch turns to him, in a quick, graceful movement, “Excuse me?”

 

“Just wait,” Stiles says anxiously, “You’ll see.”

 

The smell becomes stronger and before he knows it, the sprinklers shoot on.

 

Stiles is drenched within seconds, and next to him he can see that past!Stiles is too. Around them lay the bodies of almost twenty witches, some thrashing wildly and some not moving at all. Smoke rising up from their flesh.

 

The leader is one of the ones thrashing around on the ground, howling curses at him, her eyes completely black.

 

By now Scott, Derek, and the rest of the pack have found them and they quickly free Stiles and his past-self from their restraints. As Stiles raises from the ground, the others take a step back, deciding to wait on the sidelines to see what happens.

 

Even though she’s already down, Stiles approaches the leader with caution rubbing his sore jaw. He spots the dagger on the ground, the same one that he was going to kill him with, and he gingerly picks it up.

 

“Can I ask you a question?” Stiles says, as the sprinklers finally shut off.

 

“Fuck you,” She spits, “You disgust me!”

 

“No really,” Stiles pauses, “You hate me or something? What were you trying to achieve here?”

 

She laughs, rough and mirthless and Stiles advances on her.

 

“You’re dumber than I thought,” She says, panting heavily, “This is about so much more than you.”

 

“Please,” Stiles says, roughly pulling the witch up into a sitting position. “Explain it to me.”

 

"Isn't it obvious?” She says darkly. “You are the alpha's mate. Without you, he dies, and with him dead, his pack will fall to nothing.”

 

She continues.

 

“I was planning on sending just myself back to kill you,” She shrugs, unfazed, “But somehow you came along for the ride.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Stiles says, confusion and anger boiling his blood, “What did the Hale pack ever do to you?”

 

“It’s not just the Hale pack, idiot, It’s all the packs, all the disgusting wolves running around killing and doing whatever they want,” She tells him. "You may be human, but you run with wolves. Hell, you fuck with one of them, so you're just as bad if not worse, and you deserve to die just as much as the rest of the mutts you call family."

 

Stiles clenches his jaw in anger, repulsed that people feel so strongly like this, that people can hate so deeply.

 

“Well,” he pauses. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

 

“I’m sure you do,” She says bitterly. “I feel sorry that you’re so stupid that you would defend such heinous creatures.”

 

“They’re my family.” Stiles says softly, “I’d do anything for them. I’d kill for them.”

 

Stiles tightens his grip around the hilt of the dagger. He quickly plunges the tip into her neck, twisting until he sees the blood run down her neck. He watches distantly as the blood seeps from her neck; he may dislike her and she may hate him, but he holds her tight as she chokes on her own blood. He holds her because he doesn’t think he’d like to be alone while he was dying.

 

She dies quickly, thankfully, her body going cool and pliant and Stiles lays her onto the ground, placing the dagger on top of her lifeless body.

 

“Let’s go,” Stiles mumbles, walking out without looking back.

 

↝↝↝↝↝↝↝

 

It’s silent as they enter the loft and Stiles feels empty, because he should be home already. He killed the witch and nothing happened. It didn’t work, because he killed her and he’s still here.

 

He wants to cry.

 

He’s staring at the floor, but he looks up when someone clears their throat. Stiles looks up and notices that everyone is staring at him.

 

“What?” Stiles asks, suddenly self-conscious, “What’s wrong?”

 

Everyone looks ready to open their mouths to respond but Derek beats them to it.

 

"You're my mate?"

 

Oh.

 

“Oh,” Stiles starts, “Yeah, I am.”

 

And now he feels awkward. He looks over to his past-self and notices how pale he’s gone, Stiles walks over to him and places comforting hands on his shoulders.

 

The difference between him and his past-self is so noticeable it hurts. They’re the same height, and they basic hotness of their faces is the same, but past-him is rocking the buzz-cut, his figure thin and lanky, no real definition to his muscles, his face still baby smooth, no trace of facial hair, like at all, and Stiles grimaces when he see's the outfit he's wearing. Thank all the Holy Deities for Lydia and her amazing fashion sense.

 

Now Stiles is sporting a nice five O'clock shadow ( _It makes me look older, Der! You’re over thirty, how much older do you want to be?_ ) with his messy, but sexy, thankyouverymuch, excuse for hair. A simple black shirt with faded jeans. Stiles didn’t really realize it till now, but he is definitely not the same awkward kid from high school.

 

He smiles a bit, internally proud. He pulls past!Stiles into a tight hug once he notices the distressed look on his past-self’s face.

 

“Don’t worry, dude,” Stiles starts. “We get so hot, I mean, look at me.”

 

"I'm more worried about the whole mate thing, actually" past!Stiles whispers.

 

“Let me tell you something,” Stiles smiles , leaning in closer to his younger self, then whispers, “The sex is _ah.may.zing_. Seriously, like mind blowing, we got lucky with that one.”

 

At his comment, past!Stiles’ eyes widen comically and they both look over to Derek. His mouth parted slightly, the tip of his ears going red and his face flushed. Stiles laughs, his mood lifted, and pushes his past-self towards Derek. They stumble into each other and just look very awkward and it’s so cute, he debates on whether he should pull his phone out and take a picture.

 

Stiles thinks that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be stuck here. He’d have the chance to watch everyone grow and be young. He could help them with any problems that arise. Oh, hell yeah. He’d be like a sexy Mr.Miyagi or something. He frowns though, when he realizes that he’d never be able to have sex with his Derek again. Then his mind wanders to whether it would be weird if he and other Stiles shared Derek. He certainly wouldn’t mind.

 

He opens his mouth to ask as much but then everything goes white and fuzzy.

 

⇉⇉⇉⇉⇉⇉⇉

 

Stiles really doesn’t like time travel, he realizes, gasping for air, attempting to fill his lungs.

 

“Stiles!?” someone says, and it sounds far and distant to his ears.

 

“Stiles!” He hears again, and he smiles, because he knows that deep voice. He looks around and sees his beautiful, significantly older pack. He wants to scream with joy, because he’s back in 2029 and he’s home!

 

“ _Yay_ ,” Stiles pants weakly, “I never thought I’d say this, but I missed you guys so much.”

 

“Aww,” Kira and Allison coo at him while Erica plants a wet and messy kiss on his cheek. Once she moves out of the way Derek comes up to him and plants a chaste kiss on his lips, which earns a groan of distaste from his pack, but he doesn’t care because he has his Derek back. He’s so ecstatic to be back home and he hugs Derek as hard as he can.

 

“Ok, Derek,” Scott says pulling them apart. “You’re not the only one who missed Stiles.”

 

The space Derek left is quickly filled by his pack, they pile on top of him, creating a massive group hug, and Stiles has to hold back tears, because he just feels so loved right now.

 

“You smell weird,” Isaac comments.

 

“Yeah,” Boyd adds. “Like us, but not really.”

 

“Oh,yeah!” Stiles chirps. “I was with you guys! Well, past you guys. It was so weird, you have no idea.”

 

“You have to tell us what happened!” Erica says from behind him, “Did you kill that bitch witch?”

 

“I did,” Stiles says. “It was an entire process, and -”

 

Stiles looks up to where he last saw Derek and he sees Derek watching him with an amused smile, but as he looks closer, Stiles can see that his alpha is wearing his _I-want-to-ravish-you-and-make-you-forget-everything-except-my-name_ eyes, which sounds so amazing right now.

 

He pushes off Scott, who is still clinging to him and says loud and clear, hoping to get the message across to everyone.

 

“Alright, guys,” Stiles says as he watches Derek disappear in the direction of their bedroom, “I love you all, but right now I need you all to leave so I can go ride Derek into the sunset.”

 

Stiles scrambles upstairs and behind him he hears the thumping of feet running and then the loud _slam_ of the front door closing. As he takes the corner towards the bedroom he’s taken off guard as Derek catches him by the waist. Stiles spins around into his embrace and begins to kiss Derek deep and languidly.

 

He feels Derek’s hands travel down his back and down to his ass and Stiles can’t help but moan appreciatively. Stiles wraps his arms around Derek’s neck and jumps, wrapping his legs tightly around Derek’s waist. Derek secures his weight, his big hands cupped underneath Stiles’ ass.

 

They stumble to the bedroom and make quick work of their clothes.

 

Stiles gets on top of Derek and kisses him while working Derek to full hardness.

 

“You know,” Stiles says into his ear, “Even in the past you were a smartass.”

 

“Yeah,” Derek groans as Stiles bites on his earlobe, “What did I do?”

 

Stiles pauses for a bit, kissing and nibbling at Derek’s neck for a bit, causing the older man to groan.

 

“You corrected my grammar.”

 

Derek laughs, breathlessly, “Sounds like me.”

 

“The thing was,” Stiles says softly, “It was really hot.”

 

“Oh, yeah?” Derek asks.

 

“Very,” Stiles says as he moves to Derek’s lips, “In that moment I wanted to ride his dick as he talked to me about English and literature.”

 

“Stiles,” Derek groans as runs his thumb over the slit of Derek’s cock.

 

“That’s what’s gonna happen right now,” Stiles says with an evil grin. “Sound good?”

 

“You’re going to be the death of me,” Derek says as he runs his hands down Stiles back and squeezes his ass, sending shivers up his spine.

 

Stiles smiles.

 

It’s good to be home.

 

⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛⇛

 

The next day everyone is back in front of the tv, watching some stupid MTV dramedy about teen vampires. And yes, it’s as stupid ( _and secretly addictive and fantastic_ ) as you think.

 

The show ends on a cliffhanger and Stiles curses the writers for being such sadists; Erica turns to Stiles is nudges him in the ribs.

 

"So, do you guys have a porno or not?" She asks, a devilish grin on her face.

 

Stiles never answers, but his smile and Derek's blush is answer enough.

 

⇜⇜⇜⇜⇜⇜⇜

\+ 1

 

“I want to go home.” Derek shouts over the music.

 

“C’mon, baby,” Stiles says into his ear, “We just got here. Just for a little bit longer.”

 

They just ordered their drinks at the bar after waiting in line for like, ten minutes, and Stiles just feels like dancing and getting totally wasted. The bartender finally makes their drinks and hands them over as Derek gives him a twenty, telling him to keep the change.

 

“Thanks,” the guy says.

 

“How sweet,” Stiles comments as he pulls Derek onto the dance floor, and since he is Stiles, ungraceful as ever, he manages to spill half of his drink onto Derek’s shirt.

 

“My bad,” he comments, a pleased grin on his face “You should just take it off.”

 

“Stiles,” Derek groans, trying to hide his smirk. “I liked that shirt.”

 

“Whatever, Der. It’s a white shirt, just take it off,” Stiles says attempting to rip it off at the collar., “I just want to dance with my shirtless alpha!”

 

“Oh, I bet,” Derek laughs.

 

Stiles pulls harder and Derek can hear as the seams rip apart. Eventually the shirt begins to split and Stiles laughs delightedly as he tears the shirt in half and pushes it off of Derek’s shoulders.

 

“That’s better!” He shouts, grabbing Derek’s hand. “Now let’s dance.”

 

They sway together to the music, getting lost in the hypnotic beat of the music. Stiles begins to grind into Derek’s crotch, and Derek grins wickedly, grabbing Stiles by the waist, trying to bring them closer together.

 

“Now I really want to go home.” Derek says, turning Stiles around so that they’re face to face.

 

Stiles responds with a kiss, slipping his tongue into Derek’s mouth feverishly.

 

Derek response just as eagerly and soon he can feel himself grow hard in his jeans.

 

Stiles leans into Derek’s ear and whispers hotly, “I want you, like, ten minutes ago.”

 

Derek grabs him by the wrist and makes his way towards the exit.

 

A man steps in his path and Derek is tempted to growl at him because, _hello_ , he’s about to get laid here.

 

“Hey!” The guy shouts over the music, “I have a business proposition and you guys are exactly what I’ve been looking for!”

 

“What are you talking about?” Stiles asks, stepping forward.

 

Derek groans, because only Stiles would want to talk to some creeper who approaches him at the club asking about a ‘business proposition.’

 

“I work for _Cody Sean_ ,” the guy says and Derek can literally feel the excitement roll off Stiles.

 

“Like, _ohmyfuckingoodness_ , are you serious?”

 

“Very serious!” the man says smiling, “I was wondering if you guys were interested in doing a film for us? We pay very well!”

 

And Stiles nods his head so fast that Derek’s afraid it’s going to fall off. Stiles then turns to Derek, “ _Oh.my.God_ , Derek, we have to do it!”

 

“Do what?” Derek asks, his boner dying along with his mood.  “Who the hell is _Cody Sean_?”

 

“Oh, baby,” Stiles purrs, running his hand down the front of Derek's pants, cupping his excitement through his jeans “You’re about to find out and you’re gonna love it.”

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a 2,000 word one-shot and then I got carried away and this monstrosity happened.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed!  
> (Also, all mistakes are my own!)


End file.
